change

Is something that will certainly take place in anyone, anytime, anywhere.

The Buddhist concept of Impermanence, Anicca. All component things are subject to change.

Normally people change for the better. When you see something not right, you know you need to do something about it. But, it doesn't mean that it will always take one change to get to the right side. Paths and journeys are subjective, you might or might not estimate every individual's effect to a certain change.

Taking the big step to change needs a lot of courage and effort, and it differs a lot to individuals. The resultant of the change also differs according to situations. it doesn't mean you try and you will get. How much is your try? "Try to change" and "will change" is miles far apart, that is also why there are two different terms for them!

So much so, I am also in a trial to change now. Mentally, spiritually. It is just how much effort I have put in so far that I am still here now, while someone else could be having a better life from his/her trial and effort. Courage and effort are essential for the before, during and after.

All the best, people.

the road to be taken

Year ends and year beginnings are often the times when the brain cells are fully (or at least, many times more) utilized. For reviewing, for planning.
Decision making has always been a tougher job for me. Monkey brain, lack of confidence, and of course, laze tumble over me.

It is a wonder how I was brave and 'insane' enough to make a decision that I have not imagined myself to conquer.
It is a determination that brought myself through the process of taking the challenge.
It is a relief that other people's support to me would make me stronger to face the music.

Why do I not face the challenges of life just as I hit the milestone of a half-marathon challenge?


And it's the year beginning again...

Running girl

Finally, I was discovered :D

That's the running pose that i hoped for. Happy panda running ^^

Thanks to the effort of a friend looking for me in the dark scenes ;)

APBIM 2012 - Half Marathon

Half a year ago, I was pondering over a better performance of 10km run or taking a challenge of half-marathon.

Two months later, I started training (slightly) for the Half Marathon. 

2 months ago, I had a regret of signing up for the greater challenge and deemed myself unfit for running. Training was tough, got myself stressed over, especially with my posture of running which was somewhat awkward even though I tried hard to change.

The final month. I was still worried if I could even finish the course. A flu caught me the need of resting and more worrying.

I thought, this would be my first and last half marathon, ever.

The day has eventually approached. Face the music. 

I had been a good girl to sleep before the race. Going to bed when people are just about to get dinner, and waking up when friends are about to go to sleep, being labelled Night Owl.

A Night Owl I was. How have I imagined myself to be up and running around in the middle of the night; and in the middle of the road!

There's the excitement! And it all began with...

A look of before-the-race me with eyes hardly able to stay open XD

The after-the-race me isn't available, unfortunately, as the only valuable thing I brought along was my PowerBar :P

And fortunately, I completed the race! Shall I say, I am thrilled to have performed better than I expected to do. 2:48 is not a best time, but an achievement for me :)

I don't get what a pose of victory is to bite the medal, but I did it anyway :P

Clear blue sky, I just love it. The weather was good for the run. 

With my dear sister who was down with cold and knee pain. You did well too :D

Half Marathon 21km

My certificate

Found a picture of my sister and I, few minutes after gunshot. The crowd was just... huge.

Seriously, didn't expect that the whole course is always crowded, and lots of zig-zags to take among those running and walking. Further more surprises met before, during and after the race; girls in skirts (yes, very flarry as well), people in disguise (snail, kungfu panda, etc). Led me to think, probably this is not tough after all, or I am just weak.

Two runners and two posers :P

Sadly I couldn't find a photo of me in the APBIM collection. :(

A great experience. training for the event was really tough, but I was glad to have done it, making the race an easier course for me. Unexpectedly faster (than expected 2 weeks time) recovery from the race, I have now a purple big toe, kinda restraining me from heavy sports.

Well pessimistic me, I thought I would never take part again... however, both my sis and I are missing the event! I guess, there would be a second time after all ;)

Looking forward to the new birdge run =)

15 Years

It's been so long since the last parting with a close relative, my grandfather. Then and now, somewhat similar, somewhat different.

Remember when grandpa's time come, I was looking at daddy on the phone, a long-distance call. A similar look during the day in hospital last week.

15 years back. In the mid of examination period, I was numb. Was only able to catch a flight back home 2 days after.
Glad I did see granny this time, before she took her last breathe. But how did I cry seeing her, and did she see me.

The family is different. With more young ones, without some cousins, without an aunt. With more further-related relatives around. With more people coming from around the peninsula from hours of driving journey. You are just amazing.

Numbed by the rituals, only did I really feel the lost once I get to think out of it. Pictures of her in the past, and recently. Stories and incidents. Life and death, how close or far is it?

Wonder if it is a relief for her, due to the suffering she goes through the past 3 years. Definitely a huge pity, for plans that were being carried out, no chance to be fulfilled.

For all the kindness when grandma was down until her final journey, from the related and less-related ones, So deeply appreciate. You will be remembered always by us, and by grandma.

Thank you.
Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

Parting

Mixed feelings. Half predicted that she will leave us soon. Just did not expect the process would be that rush, that fast.

Sometimes I thought I could feel her breathing. My illusion. Hoping for a miracle. Did not happen.

Love you, grandma.
Rest in peace.

of the book and the cover

When what's said and what's done are two issues. When you trust and need to distrust them. It hurts. When you know you are the one being deprioritized. Yet you still prioritize them somehow. When you find that you are totally abandoned by the world... When you know you've gotta make you own stand. But you realize you need to avoid being stepped on, or the the grounds being shaken. People. Sometimes I might have a phobia of knowing them too much. That it will affect the good relationship. That I will find it hard to face them. 日久见人心。