My life...miserable

Sometimes I really do wonder, what's the purpose of my life? What can I do in my life? What is waiting for me in the future?

I often wonder, especially when I'm down. As I am right now.

What is life, for a teenager? Is it about studies? That we have to study hard in order to achieve our goals in future?

Okay, that sounds like it, my life. If it is the aim, I am 50 percent achieving. You might call me nerd, I feel like I am, though I hate the idea of it. And yes, I still need a lot more hard work.

But I feel that it is still lack of some colors. I feel that I have never done anything special in my life before. Except that I've been overseas before.

10 years ago, I was in China. I had dreamed of joining a camp. But then, I couldn't. International school it is, but it is only half of ISB. (I really hate the badminton court!!) Camping in a forest sounds fun to me. I loved the idea of group work, and the physical activities in the wild. I have always wanted to experience a campfire, barbequeing and singing round a campfire sounds very very fun!

10 years later, I still haven't had a taste of it before. Though I had been to a Family Day held in a forest reserve, it wasn't an overnight activity.

And moreover, yet sadly, I find myself afraid of more and more stuff, especially insects. And I hate mosquitoes (ya right, I am a great 'attraction' to these blood-suckers!). So how am I to survive in a camp?

Lately (last weekend), there was an outing organised by my Sunday School, to Port Dickson. I planned to go, my dad encouraged me, but it was in vain, as my mom disalloed me because it was on the 7th month. Actually, I am quite afraid coming to think of it, fortunately my mom 'stopped' me, but I am still very sad not being able to join the outing... and missing out the fun which I have always been waiting for--FLYING FOX!!!

Despite leading the Tennis Club for two whole years, I haven't or seldom really and trully enjoyed myself in co-curriculum activities. For one thing, my club wasn't nice to lead at all, and believe me, it was a 'disasterous' club, no discipline at all, despite my effort to revive it! (Hey, I did my best, man!) Even more unfortunately, my sister is taking over the post, AND it is STILL the same. (But at least now there are some pre-talents in the club, from my observation.)

Thank goodness I had ELS. Though the members are quite limited, I enjoyed more over there. I can see group work there (whereas in my club, I had to do almost everything). I can communicate better, as the memebrs are more discipline and respectful towards the committee members. Cheers to ELS!

I've never, and I guess I will never have the chance to experience the exciting orientation which my Form-6-friends had, as well as that of local university.

You see, it seems like I have only these few things to tell you, you can see my 'limited' life. I seldom get to see and hang out with my friends, and I've almost never been to any parties.

Even more miserable, is that I can't even do my duties well. Housework, that is. As my elder sister ain't staying at home, I had to take over the housework chores, thankfully with the help of my younger sister. Maybe it's the lack of interest that often pull me down, despite my effort to do it well. I really mean to help, but I'm just so absent-minded, I wonder where I left my brain =(... Anyway, I still believe I can survive if I were to live alone!

I trully hope I can add colors to my life. So, right now, I am painting with...music! Well, still in the process of turning the 'noise' to 'sound', and hopefully soon, changing 'sound' to 'music. Haha... Life becomes brighter when I have my guitar around (though my family members will pull their faces... you know, 'noise'). The guitar classes does me a lot well, after teo years of hanging and being stuck in the easiest two chords, I finally have some process. *YIPPEE!* And I do enjoy going for classes (though my performance ain't good...). =)

another aspiration is, to do social work. I wish a lot to join a welfare group, where I can reach out to the less fortunate society, and help save the earth. Hopefully in some time from now, when I have the ability (materialistically), I will be on this path.

In some ways, I am actually more lucky than some of my friends. At least I have the chance to watch some concerts and attend some music events.

Well, people must observe and appreciate their lives, and the people around them, only then do they not miss out the most wonderful things.
Look around, you will find that, life ain't so miserable after all.
May you be well and happy.



P/S: I begin this post with a heavy heart. Upon finishing it, I feel a bit better. I don't know what's waiting for me tomorrow, but let's look back at today, see what we've gained in this 24 hours, and aspire to do the better for tomorrow.
In the end, the title of this post can consider be changed to "My life...miserable...NOT"!
I appreciate the people around me.
And, I appreciate your patience in reading my post. May you be well and happy.
Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu!